Hurting On Mother's Day
Mother’s Day is a joyous day for many, but others maybe hurting on Mother’s Day! This can also be said for Father’s Day, but since I am a woman I will speak about Mother’s Day. Either way these holidays can be triggering for many feelings or bad memories.
Maybe they had miscarried, or are separated from their children or mother for some reason. Perhaps their mother has passed away or they have past trauma related in some way. Maybe their mother was not a major part of your childhood or their life now. There are so many scenarios that could be possible that would make Mother’s day a sad reminder. If that is you, and you need to cry or grieve, do it! Just don’t stay there, we need to work through it. And life will not wait for us.
I’m not saying we can’t wear our Mother’s Day achievements with honor, we can and should. I’m simply just saying we should be mindful of some who may be hurting. Of course it’s not our intent to make anyone else sad intentionally. However, if you know of someone close to you that may be hurting on Mother’s Day maybe you can help.
Try reaching out to someone hurting. Maybe set a different day to do something special with them, if you have plans for Mother’s Day already. Or even just a simple message, “I know this day is hard for you, you are in my thoughts. Is there anything I can do to help?” Maybe grabbing them their favorite beverage or treat or a card. Anything to let them know you are thinking of them will help.
I'm Not a Mother
For many that haven’t been able to have children, their main concern is, I’m not a Mother! We need to stop labeling ourselves and putting ourselves in these boxes. When we do that and we do not live up to our own expectations of that definition, shame and guilt can consume us. So instead celebrate your beautiful and amazing unique self.
Here’s my definition of a Mother (Parent): you may be expecting, have children, foster children, stepchildren, fur babies or other pets or a mentor. If you have nurtured and helped another living thing survive, you are a mom (parent) my friend!
So now looking at it from that perspective it really widens the range of what a mother is. Unquestionably mothers or fathers or parents in general, help nurture and help another life survive whether is it animal or human.
I Don't Have a Mother
Sometimes feeling as though you do not have a mother, or perhaps your mother has passed away can be why you are hurting on Mother’s Day! I spent 30 years without a mother in my life. From age 10 to age 40 and then it was not a typical mother-daughter relationship, we just had been apart for too many years. I didn’t really know anything about this person before me, no idea about her favorite color, nor favorite TV show to watch. My own Mother was a stranger to me and I was already a Mother myself. Unfortunately her addiction was too far gone for her to even want to try by this point. Addiction is a powerful draw. Finally cancer consumed her whole body and she was gone in months.
When I was younger I do not think Mother’s Day really bothered me, I can’t really remember and maybe that is for the best. Things were not so commercialized and in-your-face back then either, like it is today. So I am pretty sure that would help too.
I am here to share with you that a Mother does not need to be someone who birthed you. A mother can be someone you look up to, or a mentor. Possibly someone you admire and appreciate their feedback. A lot of time a best friend can be a lot of the things a mother can be for us. Although it will never replace a mother daughter bond I am sure, but it can help in many other ways.
Many other relatives may help take on the roles as mother as well, such as grandmas, aunts etc. This is not to replace them of course. It is just to give you the support you need.
Mother's Day is Just Another Sunday!
For those of you hurting on Mother’s Day, it’s literally just another Sunday. Someone decided to celebrate Mother’s that day. So if it’s a trigger or brings some sort of sadness to you, celebrate you and all that you have been through on your journey so far. Make it a “Celebrate Me Day”. Here are a few tips;
First plan to do something fun with someone, a friend, a significant other, a coworker or by yourself. Plan some self-love and self-care time in your schedule that day if possible, or as close to it as possible. Try to get outside, maybe walk through a park, or a new garden center or greenhouse in your area.
Secondly move your body. Now this doesn’t have to be vigorous or anything special. Walking or working out can help us process. And you may have some strong feelings to process that day.
Third plan a special dinner even if it’s just for you and for no other reason than you deserve it. Maybe you prefer to go out to eat, that works too. But just remember if you go out on that day, people may be wishing you happy Mother’s Day so if that’ll trigger you, maybe staying home and cooking a great meal for yourself would be easier, emotionally.
Fourth have yourself a private dance party, crank up the music and dance as if no one is watching. Celebrate you and all that you have overcome. Or maybe your style is a comedy or Netflix movie marathon. You do you!
Lastly, do something to celebrate you and all that you have overcome and moved past. Mother’s Day will always be there so we need to work through all the emotions and find a healthy way to deal with those emotions that may come up. Enjoy the journey!
