The Crazy Ride of Grief
Grief is perhaps the most intensely personal and undeniably “crazy” ride a person can endure. It’s a journey with no map, no compass, and certainly no estimated time of arrival. For those of you who have experienced the profound, shattering loss of someone close—a spouse, a child, a parent, a dear friend—I wish, with every fiber of my being, that I could offer a simple, comforting truth: it gets easier.
To say grief gets “easier”, some feel it implies that the memory dulls or the person becomes less significant, and that’s not true. What happens is that the immediate, crushing weight of it—the sheer inability to breathe or function—eventually softens.
Grief isn’t always present anymore; it doesn’t stand in the doorway of your mind every single morning. However, it hasn’t vanished. It simply changes its visitation hours. It shows up in the quiet moments, in the sudden, unexpected stillness of an afternoon drive, or when a song comes on the radio. It’s the sudden heaviness in your chest, the wave of unexpected sadness, the deep, resonant ache that serves as a constant reminder of how deeply you were affected by the loss.
There’s no timeline on grief. It shifts, it softens, it changes shape… but its hole or void is still there in some way. We must allow ourselves to feel it when it comes, to lean into the sadness, the anger, or the numbness without self-judgment. This is the only path through it; resisting the feeling only prolongs the healing.
Moving through the Grief
Please know this, and let it sink deep into your soul: Nobody—not a friend, not a relative, not a well-meaning stranger—has earned the right to tell you how to grieve. Period. Your grief is yours!
The ride is complicated further by the various demands of life. If, at the time of your monumental loss, you were raising “littles”—young children who needed your immediate, constant care—your grief may be delayed. This isn’t a sign of weakness or a lack of love. Most likely, your entire focus instinctively and powerfully shifted to them. You became a functional, protective shield, and in doing so, you essentially put your own emotional needs and healing on hold.
This happens because you prioritized survival for your family. And in doing so you put your own grief behind. It might show up years later, sometimes with surprising intensity, once your children are grown or less dependent. Give yourself permission to feel what you weren’t able to feel back then.
Love after grief
This is more so for those who have lost a spouse. This is not mandatory and certainly not a race. Take your time. And some may never be ready, that’s okay too!
But for those who find themselves in a situation like mine—where life has moved forward and you’ve found the courage and capacity to remarry—please internalize this liberating truth: it’s okay. It’s more than okay.
You can love your current spouse deeply, fully, and completely, and still continue the grieving process for the one you lost. Remember grief never really goes away, it shift. However you can honor the past while embracing the present. Both loves, both emotions, both realities can and do exist within the same heart. Do not let external voices or internal guilt steal your peace. Give yourself, unwavering permission to hold both truths simultaneously. It is a sign of your enduring capacity to love.
Can grief make you stronger?
I am not sure, but here’s what I do know…
People often tell me, “You are so strong,” and I am strong. But it’s a critical misconception that strong people are strong because everything has always been easy for them.
I find strong people are strong because of the moment that almost broke them. They are strong because they hit rock bottom, faced the impossible void, and somehow, by sheer force of will, and the grace of God found the internal strength and crawled their way out of it. This isn’t a passive process; it’s a conscious, constant battle.
The inevitable truth; bad things happen and life continues to move on, whether we want it to or not. Therefore, eventually, we have to find the strength—even when we feel numb or paralyzed—to move or even start.
For me, that strength was born out of me knowing I had to figure this out for my boys and I didn’t have a fall back plan. It was a spiritual journey. Including lot of brutally honest conversations with God, a ton of prayers, and a lot of inspirational devotional reading that served as mental and emotional life rafts.
Here’s my list; Mom’s Devotional Bible this was given to me by my sister and a great help through all ups and downs in motherhood, Making Sense of Pain and Struggle by Neva Coyle, When Life Takes More Than it Gives by Neva Coyle, and The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. These books were tools to help me process my pain. In fact, that was my very first experience with Amazon—finding used books for just a few dollars, discovering an author I absolutely loved, Neva Coyle.
Shadows of Grief Milestones
Twenty-two years later, I can attest that the intensity of the grief changes, but it doesn’t entirely vanish. This time of year—still brings moments of grief and sadness. This month is still hard. This week is still hard. This particular holiday is still hard. Yet, most people around me have absolutely no idea, because I have learned to live through the pain.
I can still vividly recall the moment—that a fellow mom friend of mine came through the door of my workplace to deliver the news. The silence of my world collapsing in that instant is unforgettable. Honestly though, I don’t remember much after the initial impact. Our minds have an amazing, almost merciful way of protecting us at times, creating a necessary void from some of the most traumatizing moments.
If you are reading this and feeling any form of grief—recent or decades old, simple or complicated—please know that you are not alone on this crazy grief ride. Many of us are carrying silent sorrows.
Conculsion
It may have taken me several years to be able to share this part of my life. Remember we are all on our own personalized grief path. However if sharing this raw vulnerability helps even just one person feel seen, understood, or less burdened by their own pain, then it’s a thousand percent worth it.
Additional support that can help support you as you work through life’s crazy ride here’s my Emotional Wellness Toolkit.
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Want to read more about my story? Check out Mind. Body & Self Care
If you are struggling, please seek professional help.
*This information is not intended to diagnose or treat any disease, just information about my story and what helped me, you need to decide for yourself. Highlighted links do contain products where commissions are earned, if you choose to use them thank you for your support.
